Must be the Army Wife in me....

It must be the Army wife in me, but I want to move. We have been in MN for the last 4.5 years and in that time I graduated college, we bought and fixed up a house, developed both kids into excellent scholars and athletes, and learned all about life in the mid west. Now, Barry, Michael, and I are ready to move on, while Nathan wants to stay. One thing keeping us here is my lack of a job anywhere else. If I found one, we would be gone in a New York minute! Let me explain.......

When one becomes an Army wife (or brat) you move. A lot. Usually every 2-3 years you find yourself in a new part of the country, or world, experiencing a new culture, people, food, and travel. It is fun and exciting to experience this unique cultural way of the military. Let me be clear, I LOVE IT! I love moving. I love getting to see a different part of the world. I love making new friends. I love the challenge of learning a new post/town/city. The only time I did not feel the need to move on was Germany. I felt like I finally found home. Now, Nathan feels that same way about MN and I hate to take it away from him because I know how much difficulty he will have in adjusting to a new place. It is the same amount of trouble I have adjusting (still adjusting?) to MN.

Nathan fits in here. He has a pack of friends, is accepted by his peers, and is extremely active in school. I don't want to take that from him. He had such a miserable time as a child that I like seeing him happy. I however, am not. Living abroad changed me. I feel like an outsider in my own country. Perhaps it is because I live in the mid west and they are not accepting of new comers; Or perhaps it is because I am an introvert and prefer to do many things by myself and on my own; Or perhaps, it is because  I do not like it here and tend to be a little cranky. Whatever the reason, I don't feel welcome or wanted in this town. It's like that old saying about guests, on the third day they start to stink.....well, I feel we have worn out our welcome and need to go home. But that is the problem, where is home? Is home AZ where I grew up? Is it KY where I loved the people and countryside? Is it Germany where I felt the most wanted and accepted? Is it where my kids or Barry want to live? I don't know how to answer that question and make everyone happy at the same time because we all have different wants and needs right now, and I have this overwhelming need for change. I crave the challenges of setting up a new life in a different part of the country (or world?) right now, where I can be anonymous and yet known at the same time. That is the beauty of the Army, when you move, no one knows who you are but you still share many similarities with the people around you. You are different, yet similar because you are all on big military family. Living in the civilian world, away from all things military, I miss my family. I miss the way we talk and live. I miss how everything is familiar, yet suited for that post. I miss how I can walk across the road, knock on the door to introduce myself and have the family immediately understand that I need a friend, or plates to eat off of, or a cup of sugar because our stuff isn't here yet and have them just give it to me because they were in my shoes a few weeks, months, or years ago.